c monster

March 16, 2012

When I was a sophomore in college, I accidentally killed Blossom Dearie. I don’t know if it was because I had “The Doodlin’ Song” on repeat or what, but the universe couldn’t take it and she dropped dead shortly after I fell in love with her.  It was a real bummer because I thought she’d broken the curse. Every time I’d discovered a musician or actor that I was really fond of, soon after I’d find out that they’d already died. Surely my affections had caused their demise. I figured I should just stop liking people so they’d stay alive forever. (Solipsism hard at work.)

Blossom Dearie was the first jazz singer from the same era of all of my other favorite jazz singers that had managed to escape my death sentence, until I killed her. It was a sad few months after that. No amount of “Give Him the Ooh-La-La” would make me feel better.

The next person I accidentally offed was Phoebe Snow. As soon as I made a point to see her live, she had a severe stroke that left her largely incapacitated and passed away a year later. What a damn shame. Seriously. Not only was she a really fine musician; I later learned that she basically quit the industry to take care of her mentally disabled child. (Who died a few years before she did.) Phoebe Snow was a standup human.

To counteract this awful pattern I seem to have when it comes to singers I enjoy– I tried liking singers I didn’t enjoy. Sound is still coming out of Taylor Swift, so clearly that didn’t work.

My latest curse conquest (again, Mrs. Solipsism to your left) is the multitalented and super fabulous Cheryl Bentyne of the Manhattan Transfer. I’m thankful that my love for her amazing pipes and phenomenal phrasing wasn’t enough to kill her– because I, along with anyone else who has ears would be devastated. Unfortunately though, my punkass gave her cancer. (Say it with me: So-Lip-Sis-M.)

On the bright side, after reading her blog, my love for her has like, quintupled. (Let’s hope it doesn’t have dire consequences.) Not only did she quote 30Rock, and freak out about being a faux redhead like Lucille Ball; she said when she lost all her hair that her goal was to be the Diane Keaton of jazz and get a ton of floppy hats. THEN SHE USED A MILLION EXCLAMATION POINTS AND I’M PRETTY SURE SHE ACCIDENTALLY GAVE ME UP FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE– HOLY CRAP.

I went to go see ManTran sing at Tarrytown a bazillion years ago, (pretty sure I was still mourning the loss of Blossom), and while I was stalking Janis Siegel after the show, I ran into Cheryl and was a bumbling mess of awkward.

“You guys. Are. The best singers. EVER.”

She then pulled me in for a hug.

It was amazing.

According to her blog and Janis’ facebook, she’s doing much better. Still, send a prayer to the jazz gods to protect everyone from my fandom. In all seriousness though– praise be to all things holy. Cheryl Bentyne is the high priestess of sopranos and I’m glad she’s feeling better! Hope she gets to finally tune up her cello : )

Man, she phrases like McRae.  Meet Benny Bailey is the boss applesauce– her solo is in the middle. Jam on this, cats!

night fever (2)

March 13, 2012

Here’s part two of my disco soft rock indie extravaganza:

Muskrat Love – Captain and Tennille (originally by America)

Hands Up – Ottawan

Baby I Got Your Money – Ol’ Dirty Bastard

I Try – Macy Gray

Theme from the Love Boat

Theme from Shaft – Isaac Hayes

Rhinestone Cowboy – Glenn Campbell

Smooth Operator – Sade

Stick That Thang Out (Skeezer) – Lil Jon

night fever

March 10, 2012

You know what I hate? People stealing other people’s photos on tumblr, or weheartit or flickr or some shit and then taking it upon themselves to deface the picture with sappy indie lyrics. You know what I’m talking about– how many times have you been scrolling through your dash, only to find some sentiment from the Postal Service over a faceless, waifish looking Joni Mitchell girl with unnaturally natural wavy hair. DRIVES. ME. NUTS.

So, I had this thought today in Powell’s. I was listening to the Bee Gees, and a lyric came up: say you’ll always be my baby / we can make it shine / we can take forever just one minute at a time… How many of these photoshop toting youngsters would know it’s from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack? Probably a ghastly few. BUT: how many of them would agree with the bullshit sentiment? Probably quite a lot.

Here’s a series of photoshop hack jobs. The rub is, each picture has some sort of disco or soft rock atrocity as the lyrical reference. I’m going to post the non-obvious ones on tumblr and see what happens…

More Than a Woman – The Bee Gees

Laughter In The Rain – Neil Sedaka

Hello It’s Me – Todd Rundgren

Close To You – The Carpenters

Kid Charlemagne – Steely Dan

I Just Want To Be Your Everything – Andy Gibb

The Hustle – Van McCoy

Baby Come Back – Player

Emotion – Samantha Sang

You’re Having My Baby – Paul Anka (truly one of the most revoltingly hilarious songs I’ve ever heard…)

Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas

     All photos were taken by me, except the ones of me which were taken by Jiwon. (I am in weird-ass Halloween makeup.) I have yet to make one for Smooth Operator, I think that’s my one glaring omission. Aside from maybe putting in some awful dance songs of the 90’s etc…. Cha Cha Slide anyone?